Every time I close my eyes I have to open them again

Every time I hit them bugs I feel them scuttling again

It's the second sleepless night and I'm covered in cold sweat

I feel every single thought like a sawblade in my head

I don't know how I feel

I don't know why I'm crying 

I don't know if I'm breathing or if I'm just trying 

I'm not able to move cause there's a lead ball in my chest 

I want to rip it out but there are chains under my vest

Tell that shadow to stop talking to me

I tell them shadows to stop staring at me 

I want them bugs coming out of me 

What if that wall collapses now? 

I don't know who I am right now 

I don't know if I dream or not 

Who is that person on the empty side 

which whispers in the shelf 

how many times I have to stand up and realize

That it's me talking to myself 

Can't do this anymore 

Scratch my skin off 'til it's over 

I think I'm gonna die 

But at least I will die sober 

The first time in my life 

I'm fighting for surviving 

For myself, I jump on the silver lining 

Crash into who I am

I'm done deceiving, done denying

I'm done looking in the mirror 

mistake smiling for justifying

the bubble which won't burst 

to keep my misty cage 

my endless thirst 

I made myself a slave 

defined the meaning of my life 

I throw a stick granade 

in this prison based on five -

self-destruction

so called friends

seld-deception

fear and flight 

- pillars of sweet toxic light

I can do this, I won't fall

I'm willing to risk it all

Despite my sine curved state of mind 

the needles melting in my brain 

it feels like I can breath again